Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in teregalomiplaya's LiveJournal:

Monday, October 5th, 2009
3:09 am	dream pretty . . . i turned 28 on saturday. i went with ant and saul to see fever ray. tomorrow i have to give a presentation on the homoerotic poetry of a chick from the 1600s. i'm pretty excited about it. i'm gonna draw pictures on the board :) sarah called me from kyrgyzstan for my birthday. it was wonderful to hear her voice. i wish i could fast forward to the summer of 2011 and be there with her. and walk to kazahkstan. and take a journey on our feet and strangers' cars to india or nepal. she told me there's this old rusty ferris wheel in her town, it's huge and abandoned and the seats have fallen off because of rustiness and stuff, BUT she says she's seen kids use it. they hold on to the . . . spokes? they hold on to some part of the ferris wheel and one kid turns it with his hands! so these kids hang off this giant old ferris wheel while they're friend spins it around. how great is that! and dangerous, but still. it sounded kinda beautiful to me :) anyways, i'm updating because i found this in a draft email. i don't remember ever putting it there, but i liked reading it. i think i was half asleep and typing as fast as i could because there are a lot of mistakes. it's 3.06am now and i need to get . . . 3.07 . . . some sleep. i like that i'm a good student. i like that one thing i want most is to be a good person. there are parts i don't like, too, but it's nice to know i like some parts. . . . Monday, April 25th, 2005 7:16 am this is not for you. it's a dream i just had that i'm putting here for the time being because i ...type faster than i write. i'll delete it once i write it in one of my journals. my dream jsut woke me the fuck up -- i was a girl who'd go climbing in someone else back yeard. it was all junk - the alley their fence - planks i'd have to climb and i would and somehow i'd get to a plank i needed to get and then into some door --- then all this shit happens in between - i think my mom married a cop - who had a son - and half way in or something i touch this kids face wen he's like 10 and he's eating goat soemthing - nachos with goat meat on them or something and i touch his face - and see his future in my head (like in the crow) - and i see that he's gonna die when he's 14 - and i freak and he's lke "what?" and i just look at him - "i'm gonna die aren't i?" "yes" "is it when i'm young" we hug - "no" i lie - he's knows i'm lying - we can see everything that's happening in eachother's head - it's fucking heart breaking --- (there's aunch of shit that i can't get down - i don't know how it connects - fuck i think i'm about to cry - what happened?! shit. think.) there's lots of cop realted things - like maybe me and this stepbrother of mine try to fix things before he dies - or try to prevent it? goat meat - he's got a goatee when he dies --- (you're walking up high) - at the end - just now - i was walking walking in that back yard again - climbin gthose planks - getting high - it's higher and father now - i get around the corner of the house - it's dangerous and there's all lthese birds in my way - on the planks (which are very wide - but old and shakie) - that won't get out of my way. i get so high that i'm level with the top of the house - and it's way the fuck up - i get to this flat opened piece of fence like 1' by 2' - it gives me some spring - which i ned because i have to jump from it onto the a huge flat fence suface from where i am - it's like half the height i'm at and very far away. i have no runing distance. i bounce up and down in the little piece of fence i have then jump - i'm in the air - falling face up - there's no fucking way i'm gonna mke it. i wake up. now i'm typing. i need to put this together. there was more witht he kid. we (whover the fuck that is) left him home alone one time and felt horrbly for it - he was too young to be alone. there was a car crash somewhere. and everybody was all bruised up and injured for the same reason . . . which was? the most important things: me jumping and not making it --- and huggung the kid - and seeing everything - and lying even though we know we know everything - and that's it's bad - and still lying - because the truth is too sad to talk about. i love this kid. i have to write about this kid. he had so much heart. he didn't cry when i told him. fuck. i think i'm really mad that they made a sandlot 2. even if it's straight to video. i love the sandlot. back to sleep. ************************************************************ am83425: raechel's asleep on the floor thanksfortaking: cute. am83425: i can't. if i nap it'll be for like 7 hours am83425: it is actually thanksfortaking: i just got so wicked depressed. fuck. i really cant wait to get the fuck out of here man. thanksfortaking: ehhhhhhhhhhh. thanksfortaking: i'm going to bed. or - yeah - i'm gonna go lay down. am83425: what... am83425: ok. sleep is good. am83425: dream pretty am83425: i like that. i'm stealing it. thanksfortaking: yeah. haha everybody steals that from me! thieves!!! all of you. thanksfortaking: hahahahahahahaha am83425: really? am83425: then i won't. am83425: i would hate to be common. am83425: am83425: okay go to sleep thanksfortaking: i used to say that to jarrod when we talked online. he said it made him scream inside like a little school girl - that he loved when i said that . . . *sigh* . . . you can steal it if you want. it'll make boys fall in love with you maybe. . . . k. night. thanksfortaking: you sleep tooooooooo! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 25th, 2009
1:01 am	i do not sleep anymore, it seems. and a lot of times, when i do, it's with all my clothes on and the light, too :/ my parents are having money problems so i'm giving them my checks from work as they come. it makes me kinda sad and angry that, out of nine kids, i'm the only one who thought to offer. i so don't make a lot of money in my crappy mailroom job, but it helps. four grad classes and a job are so draining the hell out of me, but i think i'm doing pretty well. i hope. on the plus side to all this, i think i wrote at least one decent poem in the last month - about when me and my dad went to teocuitatlan, my dad's hometown, and dug up his dad who'd been buried for 30 years to make sure he was in the right spot. and now, back to homework. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 20th, 2009
9:00 pm	my cat is staring at me. i think he wants to cuddle. i think he wants to cuddle all day long and is hurt if i leave or don't cuddle with him when i'm here. i'll cuddle with him when i finish this post. i'm listening to the trapeze swinger. i like this song. i'm a little bleh right now. i don't really feel like reading or writing or watching anything or working out or eating or sleeping. . . . i don't mind staring at the ceiling sometimes. thinking. remembering. i like doing that. open roads. i love the word endlessly. endlessly endlessly endlessly. . . . a few days ago i started my thesis. i guess i'm not supposed to start it until the start of my second year, but it's in my head already. it's been in my head for years now. namibia. plus i've already written two books. practice. i understand better now. me. writing. editing even before the words hit the paper. and order. patience. . . . endlessly endlessly endlessly. that's the end to two chapters/sections, but i'm not ready to write them yet. it will be beautiful to me. perfect. i am so happy i left columbia's grad school in 2005. i'm so thankful for the depression so awful that my only way out was africa. yesterday i was told i got two scholarships. now my loan won't be $12,000. it will be $8,000. this makes a big difference for me. i started crying when i found out. i got a work study job today. in the mail room. i am happy about this. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 9th, 2009
5:57 am	the other day paul texted me some random thing - about his motorcycle or something. and i texted back that i was reading and making lentils. he said it sounded like peace corps and then added, "why would you do that to yourself?" i responded that i was pretty content at the moment and it was making me want to join peace corps again. which i meant. aside from the job, the racist teachers, the heart-breaking boyfriend, the WAY too long rainy season and some random annoyances, i liked it. i do want to do it again - but as a health volunteer and living in a town - alone. . . . i got to read a lot. i liked that. i liked not having a t.v. i liked hitch hiking. i liked the peace corps office that had SO many books: all the books all the peace corps volunteers' families sent over the years. . . . grad school starts in about three weeks. i'm more excited about finishing than starting - getting the degree and then visiting sarah in kyrgyzstan and traveling with her to who knows where, but i hope it includes india. . . . i'm going to apply for a work study job on monday - in the library. i hope i get it. but i'm sure i'll get another work study job if it's not that one. anyways. i'd kept track of the books i read while away from home and felt like posting it. it's possible i forgot to add one or two and it's possible one or two may be a bit outta place, but it's mostly right. . . . the count of monte cristo took me a while to read - that's one big ass book. a few other ones were pretty big ass, too. umberto eco must sure like to hear himself write. i miss kandina - my host sister. here's the list: ------------YEAR ONE----------- 1. The Boy Detective Fails by Joe Meno 2. The Diary of Anne Frank (young reader version) 3. Ishmael by Daniel Quinn 4. Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer 5. The Unthinkable Thoughts of Jacob Green by Joshua Braff 6. The Catcher In The Rye by J. D. Salinger 7. The Diary of Anne Frank 8. The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fist Fight in Heaven by Sherman Alexie 9. Shutterbabe: Adventures in Love and War by Deborah Copaken Kogan 10. A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle 11. The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Album 12. The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco 13. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller 14. Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli 15. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer 16. Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut 17. Sugar Among the Freaks by Lewis Nordan 18. Flight by Sherman Alexie 19. My Name is Asher Lev by Chiam Potok 20. The City of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers 21. About A Boy by Nick Hornby 22. Waiting by Ha Jin 23. Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli 24. Ways of Dying by Zakes Mda 25. Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man by Fannie Flagg 26. Dream Brother: The Lives and Music of Jeff and Tim Buckley by David Browne ------------YEAR TWO--------------- 27. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea 33 1/3 by Kim Cooper 28. The Piano Tuner by Daniel Mason 29. The Lover by Marguerite Duras 30. Lord of the Flies by William Golding 31. Destined to Witness: Growing Up Black in Nazi Germany by Hans J. Massaquoi 32. MF by Anthony Burgess 33. Ten Little Indians by Sherman Alexie 34. Gilead by Marilynne Robinson 35. Frida: A Novel Based on the Life of Frida Kahlo by Barbara Mujica 36. Solitude: A Return to the Self by Anthony Storr 37. The Absolutely True Diary of A Part-time Indian by Sherman Alexie – Art by Ellen Forney 38. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 39. Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk 40. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas 41. The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery 42. The Best American Essays 2006 Series Editor Robert Atwan Guest Editor Lauren Slater 43. Aunt Julia and the Scriptwriter by Mario Vargas Llosa 44. Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs 45. The Memory of Running by Ron McLarty 46. Frida: A Biography of Frida Kahlo by Hayden Herrera 47. Birds of America by Lorrie Moore 48. The Laws of Evening by Mary Yukari Waters 49. The Water-Method Man by John Irving 50. The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear by Walter Moers 51. No one belongs here more than you by Miranda July 52. A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry 53. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith 54. Catch-22 by Joseph Heller 55. The Pickup by Nadine Gordimer 56. Graceland by Chris Abani -----------IRELAND-------------- 57. Danny the Champion of the World by Roald Dahl Illustrated by Quentin Blake 58. Letters to Sartre by Simone de Beauvoir 59. Humbolt's Gift by Saul Bellow Current Mood: petal Current Music: my morning jacket - one in the same (15 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
7:05 pm	the last few days kinda sucked a lot. like A LOT. i got news that attie's brother, nico, got paralyzed and other news that the plaque that was supposed to go up naming the classrooms i raised money to renovate hasn't gone up - after like NINE months. wtf? i got really depressed about this and other stuff. i made a post about it yesterday, but kept it "private" because it was just so sad. . . . i'm feeling better now. and i got this email from the MFA director of creative writing today saying that the two classes i took in 2005 when i was in grad school at columbia will transfer! that made me pretty happy because it equals less money (like $4,800 less) AND less time. FUCK YEAH! also, i asked him if i could take four classes instead of three and he said it was cool. SO if i do that this and next semester then i can save another like $3,000 - $4,000 since 9 - 12 credit hours costs the same. i still need a job, though. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 24th, 2009
7:29 pm	this made me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY!!! i posted it on facebook and sent it to like a dozen people today. not surprisingly, anthony is in it - in the chicago one, on the left in the black pants and yellow shirt - i so woulda gone with him if i'd been here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlfKdbWwruY i'm supposed to go dancing at neo around midnight with anthony and worlynn. i'm kinda lazy to go, but i promised and i'm sure i'll have fun. on saturday we went to a taping of chic-a-go-go and the host, mia, came up to me and said, "you're awesome!" then sked where i dance. it's funny because most of my dancing is just jumping. it made me feel good, though, because - i know it's just a cable access show - but mia is really pretty and teaches yoga, apparently, and nice and a fun dancer and her saying that made me feel good about myself :) i'm gonna workout for like a hour then shower then get ready to go. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, July 13th, 2009
2:48 pm	hiiiiiiiiiii!!! i went to THE BEST concert EVER on friday! vnv nation! whenever i see them i always say it's the best. man i love them. they're like electronic and the kind of stuff that would be played like at an industrial-ish/goth-y type club maybe and everyone there had tattoos or fishnets and black leather-y clothes and stuff and that gives an impression maybe, but their lyrics are sooooooooooooooo sweet and all about how people should be nice to each other and love each other and it tries so hard to remind people that they're not alone. . . . man, i love them. i danced SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD! it was GREAT! and AND it was free because ant's friend won tickets, but couldn't go so he gave them to us. yay!!! while i was living in the village in namibia i totally played vnv nation the most - and worked out to them and played that one song "illusion" when i was sad. anyways. on the bus back home me and ant were talking and he saw that new johnny depp movie about john dillinger and i haven't, but i saw the commercial for it and i totally love 1920-1940 accents so i said a part in from the movie like seven times in a row and we laughed each time and ant said my accent was so right on :) later i did this because i thought it was funny (i made up the number two and number three stuff): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF9DICTGT1E here was take one (i couldn't keep it together :/): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdIV1F-x0DM i just worked out now and my butt is sweaty and that makes me feel gross when i sit on this chair i'm sitting on. later. Current Mood: i'm okay (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
1:39 am	keep my love as light as a feather superbad was not a funny movie. why do people think it was funny? it wasn't. it was pointlessly crass and mean-spirited. the zaniness/wackiness was . . . it was like an episode of family guy - and family guy is fine, but it's a cartoon - and that makes a difference. saul said superbad was a huge movie here and that people were laughing their asses off in the theater. and i can imagine that. the kind of laughing - laughing that's more like: i'm laughing because i'm down/i can relate and me going "hahaha" shows that i'm down and that i get it. LAME. i wacthed it alone and i think there was only one time when i giggled. most of the "jokes" are just mean. how is that funny? how is that funny? it's not. popular american humor bothers me now. it's either like loud, mean and cynical or wacky and zaney. and so much of it is shit that makes no sense. like there's always someone who says something that doesn't make any sense AT ALL and then the person who reacts to that person. THAT'S NOT FUNNY! or the loud, fat guy. i'm sick of that guy. the whole deal of the cops who hang out with mclovin (that name was probably the funniest thing in that movie - that DID make me laugh) and all the stuff that happens - it's just stupid. . . . i saw pineapple express last night and that was FUCKING AWESOME. i laughed SO MUCH. it was actually a thought-out story. and while it's mad silly, it's silliness that comes about organically from the characters. and it's not mean like superbad was. it's really sweet, really. . . . there's so many things i don't dig about the states. twitter. fancy cellphones. kids with cell phones. kids sending sex texts and/or naked picture texts. tmz. reality t.v. all the lies from the 9/11 report. the commercials i've seen lately where kids mad disrespect their parents and it's supposed to be . . . funny? movies. at the store, you can check yourself out with a machine: because of those, people lose jobs and it's less human interaction. cars. car crashes because of people on their phones. people who are famous because of how rich they are. giant TVs. how a couple with 8 kids can become mad famous and rich because they have 8 kids. hitch hiking is illegal. every other commercial is some prescription drug that has like 8 million crazy side effects. how much people care abut famous people. how many kids are getting killed by guns. i don't wanna live here anymore. i said that to my mom and dad earlier today. and my mom said, "yeah, i know." the thing that has made me think this the most is learning more about 9/11 and how . . . it just doesn't add up. and other possibilities make me shake from . . . it's just . . . too big? and too awful. i have this sort of dream now. and i know it's dumb, maybe. stupid and childish. but i wanna stay here for a while and save up money and then move back to namibia and build something wonderful. like a ferris wheel or a carousel or a water park. . . . it's not that there's no more magic here. but maybe it's all buried in prescription drugs, fast food, sex texts, wall street hot shots who steal people's money, humans replaced by machines and shitty television. in namibia, there's only one university, one road . . . not a lot of opportunity and . . . i think i wanna help with that, too, but i also noticed that there wasn't a lot of magic, either. or creativity. colorful imagination. there's not a lot of art. building some beautiful fun thing - like a ferris wheel - floating in the air like that, it might make someone dream pretty enough and hard enough to make something special happen. . . . not like getting on the real world or becoming the next top model. but drawing some wonderful picture. or trying to make another university to give people more opportunities. write a kids book. or just be nicer. it's sounds dumb of me, i'm sure. naive. and maybe like some old, bitter man longing for the good old days. but i'm not an old man and i don't think i'm dumb . . . i may be naive. . . . who knows if this will ever happen. most of me feels like: probably not. but still. bat for lashes - sad eyes is SUCH a pretty song. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
1:51 am	yesterday i had the photoshoot for chicago magazine with esther and two other girls she's tattooed. it was longer than i thought it was gonna be and in a photography studio which made me nervous at first. they had esther in the center face forward and us three girls surrounding her so that only our tattoos showed; i was thankful for that because of my body and face issues. it's gonna be part of "the best" section. it's nice to know that i was tattooed by "the best" tattooist in chicago, which is funny because she works out of her house. . . . i wish i was beautiful. it's so silly, but sometimes i think if i was beautiful life would be easier. i know it's not true, but it feels true sometimes (maybe because pretty girls get boyfriends more easily and having a boyfriend is comforting and THAT makes life easier?). i think i felt prettier in namibia. people there said i was. the kids said i was the prettiest teacher in omuhama. and netesia said i was "so attractive" when i danced. attie and his friends and family thought i was sexy. . . . whatever. i'll keep working out. i've seriously been thinking about writing to attie. he wasn't a good boyfriend. he wasn't even a good friend really. but i think about him. i worry about him. his past, his alcoholic parents, the culture there, i wonder if he'll ever be able to feel like . . . real joy. there's music i want to show him. and movies i think are magical. . . . he was pretty awful with me, emotionally. and he let me go. but he's the only boyfriend i've ever had and he knows things about me NOBODY else does and i guess it's hard to forget that. it's hard to not speak with him after that. even if he lives an ocean away. i think most people would say i was stupid to wanna write to him and share things i think are beautiful with him. eh. maybe i'm just lonely. . . . when i told my mom i was sexually assaulted in mexico she didn't really say anything about it and went on and on about stuff that happened to her when she was young (like some guy slapping her butt or flashing her) that wasn't nearly as bad at what had just happened to me and i felt stupid and small. it's nice when people listen to you and care about what you say . . . how you feel. it's nice when boys tell you you're pretty and hold you. Current Mood: sunset Current Music: chet baker (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
11:33 pm	watch this . . . i didn't get the teach for america job. it's funny how after spending two years doing something i believe was good, i have no certifications, no money and no prospect for getting a job. i'd have to go to a lot more school to become a certified teacher, which i have no money to pay for. i don't even have enough money to hike the AT. . . . i think i'll try to work at jewel or some place for a year or so, save up, then go back to grad school. . . . eh, who knows? i'm a little bummed. only a little though because how can you be mad about something that wasn't meant to be? anyways. this is from my friend sarah's peace corps blog - she recently left for service in kyrgyzstan: "Now here's a piece of something beautiful and true that I love. It's from a poem called "Why We Tell Stories": we will begin our story with the word and Lisel Mueller, the lady that wrote that, she's right. I always start with and, when I meet new people I always start by telling stories about the people I've met, the people I love, by trying to find some connection, some "and", between their stories and mine. Everyone does. Man, she's smart. So start with and. You're part of my and. And I'm going to start Kyrgyzstan with you." fuck i love her. ten minutes ago i was thinking about something that hurt. i hated that i was thinking about it, but . . . but. . . . hmm, i don't think i wanna write about it. anyways, i'm not sad, i'm . . . lucky maybe. i love all my past ands and i'll love all my future ands and that made the hurt - and made me - beautiful. . . . i don't think i'm explaining myself well . . . here's the ( poem ) Current Mood: sun light streams Current Music: dirty three (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 19th, 2009
12:27 am	there's a movie on right now with james franco and it's kinda fucking killing me because attie looks SO much like him. and his character is a bit like him too - this hard-headed arrogant idiot, but . . . but with a shit ton of potential. and a good heart. he even walks like him. i miss him right now. it's sunday. that means i find out TOMORROW about teach for america. . . . i just saw boniface's facebook update - they have a job opening at the orphanage in naivasha, kenya. if i don't get the TFA job, maybe i'll go back to africa. i like this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-J5LepnXs4&NR=1 attie once carried me off the back of a truck and i screamed because it was scary and - like i feel like i'm way too fat for anyone to carry and not drop, but he didn't drop me. for a second it made me feel like a princess :) i'm not supposed to be with him now though. and i'm okay with that. i'm also okay with watching this james franco movie and thinking of him. i'm not sad at all and i'm not gonna cry. it's nice in a way, missing him. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 20th, 2008
7:56 am	oh my god yes ( Birthmark ) Current Mood: ay ay ay Current Music: friends watching weeds (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, July 14th, 2006
11:29 pm	before i sleep on my walk home tonight - just a little while ago - i saw a bunch of lightning bugs flickering so pretty - and remembered how me and saul would run around when we were little and try to catch them in our hands - only to hold that kind of magic in our tiny palms for a second before letting it go . . . i don't remember the last time i tried to catch lightning bugs - i don't remember how old i was or where i was or who i was with - if i would have known it was going to be the last time i was going to catch lightning bugs i would have paid more attention. but then again - there's always tomorrow. it's late. i'm going to take a shower and put on my pajamas and find some very warm socks because my feet are cold - and then i'm going to pour myself a glass of juice and go in the basement and watch a black and white movie. i feel like slow dancing. there is nobody here but me. Current Mood: wings in your spine Current Music: mazzy star